Posts tagged goals
210lbs
206 lbs today.
I squatted my old body weight at 210lbs. I did it eight times. Then I went over to the leg press and did it for two more sets of 10 to prove it to myself.
New goal: 200 lbs.
Desperation.
Personal experiences and observations in the new elderscrolls game.
I’ve played Arena, Morrowind, and Oblivion. I have probably over 500 hours logged in those games (not an exhaggeration).
Desperation is a key driver in these games. You start out penniless and almost without any advantages. You pick a job or go adventuring. You begin to break into places because you desparately need to eat, protect yourself, cure your disease or find out what is over there…These games can grab hold and not let go because they appeal to the basic parts of any great adventure: fear and hope.
There are things about Morrowind that I really didn’t like: Load times, fully exploitable potions system, really boring combat and cliff racers. There are tons of things that I disliked about Oblivion: Gimmicky radiant AI, terrible level scaling, dumb mini-games instead of actual gameplay, fantasy setting made banal by poor design choices and fast travel.
There are things I loved about both of those old games. Morrowind was lonely and alien. You could get lost and be afraid as you had no way of teleporting home because you couldn’t afford divine intervention or you were terribly injured and far from home, overencumbered and doomed. The fear and the desparation were palpable things to be faced and overcome. but you had moments of adrenaline when you succeeded or when you could teleport out of harms way. The banality of Tamriel was a stark contrast to the hellworld in an Oblivion gate. You really had to gear up to face those challenges (but there were too many gates, too much seeing the monster). However, there was a moment of desparation that could be found. You had to survive to the middle of the gate and grab the key to shut the place down. You often had to fight high classed enemies to do so. I found it to be exhilerating. run in grab that gate key and get thrown back into the real world. Fear, hope to succeed, relief.
Skyrim does fear and desperation very well. I have found and faced enemies that I had no right to best and I found myself triumphant if only just. I am only a level 14 and I had a battle with a dragon. Not my first. My first encounter with a dragon I had a bunch of NPCs assisting and distracting as I lobbed low level arrows at his giant wings and cowered behind a rock. The second dragon I barely assisted with. this last one, I all alone on a rock mesa surrounded by hot springs and geysers. Very little cover was afforded and the dragon’s black shadow passed over me and the god damned music started. He almost killed me three separate times. I had an OMG emergency! scroll in my inventory (hold over habit from Morrowind) that surrounded me with healing and a circle the dragon could not enter. his fire could. I had taken him to half health before my inventory was empty of any potions at all. I began to devour every ingredient in my possession and every scrap of food, casting majick like a madman and firing arrows. I ate my last butterfly and fired a final arrow and the dragon collapsed in a heap of fire and bones. This game is not without its problems. If you know anything about game design then that shouldn’t suprise you given the scope and technical brilliance that Bethsoft goes for when they make a title like this. I really have no complaints and I can assure you that they have learned a lot from the Oblivion and Fallout experiences. But they remember what made their older games great. the atmosphere, the environments, and the character interactions have been made so organic that I have characterized this game experience as digital timetravel. You’ll load it, you’ll play it, and when you turn it off you’ll have lost hours in that world. I cannot recommend this game enough.
Every other amazing bit of this game I will not spoil at all. there is too much to see and too much to experience for me to do it any justice.
Somebody said that to me once, when I was very young in the biotech industry. I was working a tremendously difficult job with varied and challenging workflows. I was hitting my deadlines and scoring my deliverables very consistently. But I could not get promoted. It baffled me. So, my friend laid that chestnut in the title on me.
Looking back now some 9 years, I see why. The successes of that younger man defined who I would become. It shaped my work ethic, and it shaped what I am able to put up with. It also taught me when to call it quits, and it showed me when to strive harder to achieve goals.
I work for a pretty fantastic place now. they recognize effort and delivery. They also seem to appreciate going the extra mile (or two) with genuine praise and not some perfunctory “atta-boy”.
Rambling. But I guess what I’m trying to get out of my head, is that if you find yourself struggling, and cannot see the point of it, realize that this struggle will ultimately lead you to where you will be. And if you find yourself struggling and you cannot see yourself getting where you want to be, use that information to better your situation rather than getting discouraged.
